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Mar 30, 2005
How can I get through the next few days...the next few weeks?
How can 6 students possible run an entire concert successfully with virtually NO help from ANYONE when they're given just less than 3 weeks?
How can I possible write out TWO improvisations for my Improvisation 2 Final EXAM in juz like.....one day?
How can I survive all the late nights, loong hours in college...early mornings...and virtually NO time in the middle?
How can I not feel physically tired....so i can concentrate in class...and give my best in college?
How can I teach Alpha Zone this saturday?
How can I find time to go to the Soul Survivor Conference this week? when i have classes and at night i have the concert practices?
How can I be ok with not going?
How can i balance EVERYTHING without losing focus?
How can i do all of the above and STILL be able to smile and be a good testimony in college..to people who aren't exactly nice?
How come calls to New Zealand are so expensive?
How can i go on....................................................................................................
The only answer.........................God.......
GOD is how i CAN...................................
The road's not going to be easy.........but u know what? God's the strength of my heart..He's the Rock on which i stand.........
Because He lives..........i can face tomorrow...........
I shall come back to read my post again when i feel i can't......
Posted at 04:53 pm by yih-leng
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Mar 28, 2005
Crazy days ahead! *sigh*.....
Urgh!!
I'm either going to die cuz of excessive stress, OR die cuz of excessive stress!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
*deep breath*
yup.....that felt VIRTUALLY better...but not really..cuz u know...somehow screaming on the computer doesn't help much......
to my audience of three....and the Big Guy up there ;) I'm ok......i just need to VENT :) probably not in an intellectual way with huge bombastic sentences like my dear im-a-piano-genius friend.....and probably not in a natural, everyday heartfelt-honest account from my dear piggy friend....but u know wat.....enough comparing........ :P i have to STOP comparing.......*makes another face* cuz i've had ENOUGH of comparing when i play with a certain wonderful (no sarcasm at all, cuz he IS) musical GENIUS! *sigh* God...so difficult lah.........
cuz i really feel untalented and un-anointed and un-cool and like..........'old' and discarded...........*sigh*
but yeah........see....i even get off topic writing in my own blog.......sheryl...why are u still friends with me? :) (hehe i know the answer..cuz im a D.D!! *proud DD beam*)
so yeah like i was saying....
umm.........
hmm..........
ok.........after diverting for a while...i don't feel like im going to die of excessive stress anymore! woo hoo!! hehe......
but anyways....just so u guys will know...........
these 2 weeks....no actually this few weeks...leading up to middle april will be extremely hectic...i juz get gastric-induced-by-stress-attacks when i look at all the red marks on my planner...
i mean deadlines....i mean practices till late nights...i mean early mornings and whole day of classes...i mean homework and assignments and final projects...i mean final EXAMS...i mean lots of thinking and planning and executing...i mean physical tiredness that i will never be able to recover from unless of course in my quite-pathetic TWO weeks of semester hols i just like...sleep...
*sigh*
but yeah......u know wat........i can do this.......not by my own might...nor by my own strength...and definately NOT by my own wisdom.....
but thru Christ who strengthens me......
there there...see? it's all going to be ok now..........
i salute chris ling :) and im gonna get a chocolate ice cream now.......
hehe......love from a soon-to-be-fat-michelle
Posted at 03:45 am by yih-leng
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Mar 25, 2005
Saturday...the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday
Dear Lord,
Hmm........I wonder how the Saturday was...
I'm sure it must have felt more horrible than Friday...........with sinking feelings.......dying hope.....
......overwhelming sadness......confusion maybe.......despair...lost purpose....
*small smile*
very similar to how i feel sometimes Lord.........
to feel the storm rage within u........and yet not being able to find strength within urself...to fight it..to stand firm.......and not being able to SEE You...and FEEL You.....
Was that how the disciples and all who loved u felt, Lord? On Saturday? My guess was it would be a bleak Saturday........where 'reality' would sink in.......and the day would feel like night forever....
Tears would be flowing....Questions posed....No answers from the One they always turn too....
So difficult.....they would probably feel......WHY? HOW?
and YET...............
Sunday is coming...............morning is dawning........light is breaking through.........joy is COMING...
Hope is born again! All things are made NEW.....Purpose is FOUND....Jesus is ALIVE!!!
:) It's AWESOME Lord..........
I thank You.....for being SO GREAT! Greatly above all the stuff that happens around me........GREATLY ABOVE mySELF.........and all the ugliness that I place at Your feet.......cuz i too wanna die Lord........
and in my death...find that I may truly LIVE.....
Thank You for the Cross, Lord............Thank You for the price You've paid....
Worthy is the Lamb.......
I'll never know how much it cost.......
Thank You, Jesus....
Keep my eyes on You Lord.....through the Fridays and the Saturdays...
Because Sunday is coming......
Because Sunday came....2000 years ago...
I love You.....
Posted at 11:00 pm by yih-leng
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Mar 23, 2005
Easter's coming....
It HAS been a looooooong while since I've last blogged...
hehe...sorry Sheryl....
Yup yup...Easter's coming......and amidst the hustle and bustle of extreme practices, lack of sleep, intense college hours.....
I find peace...........I find rest..........I find comfort.......
For the days when I can't seem to take another step........
For the days when tiredness overwhelms....
For the days when I'm emotionally 'stormy'......when I'm full of SELF and I take my eyes of the One who can keep me going on....
For the days like these........I find my Redeemer....
And because I have found my salvation........my source of strength...my source of hope.....
I know you shall too........
Cuz you know what?
God never lets us go........ Love truimphs indeed....
Posted at 05:01 pm by yih-leng
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Aug 17, 2004
I'm just gonna include 1 Corinthians 13 (MSG) cuz I think it is interesting to read the meaning of this chapter on love...cuz it brings it out in another light :)
The Way of Love
1If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
3If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
4Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
5Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
6Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
7Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. 9We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. 10But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
11When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
Posted at 07:03 am by yih-leng
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Of Love.......of Patience...
Well....dear God.....
Today I learnt about love...
I've learnt that:
1.If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. (so it IS ok to NOT be as fluent in speech or as eloquent as my friends..heh..)
2.If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. (no point having great gifts without the Greatest Gift of all)
3.If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (no point die without the real reason for dying)
So..............to have love is to be patient and kind.
To not envy and not boast and not be proud.
To not be rude, and not be selfish.
To not be easily angered and to KEEP NO RECORD OF WRONG.
I shall not delight in evil, but rejoice with the truth.
To love...is to ALWAYS PROTECT, ALWAYS TRUST, ALWAYS HOPE and ALWAYS PERSEVERE! Because love NEVER fails..........
So dear God, help me love. Love those I cannot love. Love when I cannot love.
Most importantly, help me KNOW Your love for me....because in knowing that only can I then love You......
Haiyoh God...thank You for helping me through today. It wasn't a good day, in the way I saw it lah. I'm really sorry for getting irritated, frustrated and angry. I know that You are teaching me patience, and also how NOT to be stressed BECAUSE it's not like You are small or anything... ;)
So like even though the practice wasn't as good as I wanted it to be, or even though things weren't working out the way I wanted them to be, and even though myself wasn't satisfied with the agreements made...the key word here is I, ME and MYSELF which with Your help, I would wanna eliminate from my life's dictionary.
I thank You for Your love and Your patience with me.
By the way.....
I love You... :)
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Posted at 06:57 am by yih-leng
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Aug 15, 2004
Well.......today I'm tired...
Not like I wasn't tired the other days...but today I just feel especially tired..
So many things...so many thoughts...so many concerns...all coming at once....I REALLY wish I had the 'S-dua-palang' ($) that would enable me to run away (yes I KNOW you can't run away from your problems but knowing doesn't lessen the feeling) to anywhere....as long as I'm away from all these..
Because I don't know how to handle them
Because I don't know how to let the Person Who is able to handle them handle them
I don't mean for this entire blog to sound melancholic all the time...but I guess it just so happens that I blog when...umm...yeah...I feel melancholic...*small smile*
Ah well.......
Life goes on...life will go on....
Really love this song...
Ku telah mati dan tinggalkan
Cara hidupku yang lama
Semuanya sia-sia
Dan tak bererti lagi
Hidup ini kuletakkan
Pada mezbahMu ya Tuhan
Jadikan padaku seperti
Yang Kau ingini
It's in Malay... and it's just about dying to self and forgetting the past and pressing onwards...living not for self but for Christ.....
Which is really easy to type...........and tell people and all....but *sigh* application is difficult huh...
Anyways...........
A new day will begin tomorrow.......new beginning...which will hopefully dispel old tiredness......
Hmm...do I have to sign off in my blog?
Oh well :)
Thoughtfully,
Mich
Posted at 07:13 am by yih-leng
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Aug 9, 2004
It's funny how the same thing can happen to two different people....It's ironic how something good can hurt....It's frustrating that no matter how hard you try, there are just things that are out of your control. I am really tired too. My heart shrinks almost all the time I see you. I hurt because you hurt. I hurt because I hurt. I wish I could do something...go back to the past and correct whatever I did to cause this. You might not see it, but I DO think of you...I just really, really, really don't know WHAT to do....I'm stuck...
I don't even know whether I'm at my crossroad yet, and I don't know which road to take when I reach it. I don't know how to go on. I don't know how to react. I don't know how to stop crying. I don't know how to stop hurting. I don't know how to stop disappointing you. I don't know how to do ANYTHING. I feel like this everyday. It's really quite crappy when you have to learn to put a mask on, and pretend...and in all the pretension actually come to believe that the fakeness is realness. I TOO have not acheived or attained anything...everything I've come to know...everything I've come to believe in...to trust...it is all fading away...and life no longer becomes worth living when you have no hope.
I too am slowly dying...but I don't know whether the death I die to today will bring life tomorrow. I'm trying so hard not to give up on everything...........
And the reason behind all this...........
When you lose something or someone really dear to you....................and when there seems to be no future and no hope in the future............
I'm sorry if I have disregarded you.
I'm sorry I failed...
I'm sorry
Posted at 02:45 am by yih-leng
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